The Life of a Working Mom

Luckily I already had an acupuncture appointment on the books, because I hit a wall and was fighting a pretty good upper respiratory infection.  I had already called in sick for my shift earlier in the week and was resting every day since; I wasn't even tempted to go for a run or jump in the pool.  My proud self walked into the appointment today thinking "See. I take good care of myself. I eat mostly the right foods, sleep when I need to and even go to acupuncture".  Molly placed the needles after hearing my laundry list of minor maladies and closed the door to let me rest.  The silk lavender eye pillow sank into my tired sockets and the perfume tickled my nose.
My mind started flipping through the catalog of all the mother/wife/employee/sister/etc. thoughts that it must think and then when it got to the section about my kids it just stopped.  I tried to lift off the eye pillow, but the needles hurt when I tried to move my arms.  So I did a sort of sit up and the pillow flopped onto my chest.  I lay back down and my eyes now had the clearance they needed to let loose the flood.  Yes. I was laying on the table crying.  My nearly 12 year old daughter is texting all the time, what high school should my 14 year old son really choose? Did we turn in all the forms? What about dinner tonight, and the dishes that have piled up? Did I catch a weird infection from that patient I last had in the ICU and that's this weird cough I have?  How does a body adjust to sleeping alone, during the day without the husband whom I've slept with for over 17 years?  Did I fix the printer, why didn't that app download again to my son's i-touch?  What does it feel like to be passionately in love?  Oh yes. I remember.
It feels like breathing...in and out.  In and out.
The Tibetan monk colors of burnt cinnamony red and squash yellow walls held me while I breathed in and out.  The tears kept leaking, but the sobbing withdrew.  I had been through some stuff lately.  My mind and heart hadn't processed it all yet.  I was able to catch a glimpse of awareness that my heart needed some tenderness and my mind needed a little break.  It's all the things we do and hold as mothers that just can catch up with us.  We worry about our kids even when we trust who they are and understand they must engage in their own lives and growth.  We want to see them shine in this life and we do all we can to polish the brass.  I work to help fulfill dreams for them and myself/husband.  I see my dearest friends treading similar pathways and making it to the next point.  And I see many moms like myself who have their "rough patches".
So I received the gift of an opening and a shift today.  The snow, even in it's cleansing beauty, has stopped and the sun peeked through.  I hear it is all supposed to melt by the weekend. And then we shall see what grows.....